Tuesday, March 1, 2011

If YOU slap a fat chick, YOU might get a slap back!

In 1999, I had a gall bladder attack during the last 30 minutes of the movie Sixth Sense, (still don’t know how that movie ends) Anyway, the writing was on the wall,my gall bladder looked like an ashtray and it was time to come out. I made an appointment with the surgeon and off I went to his office in Burlington, New Jersey. And, since I am really bad with details, I can’t recall his name. I only know that he was a fat guy with thick glasses and there was no way he was going to remove my gall bladder! I had made my decision the second we met and there was only one thing to do, find another reason to dislike him. It’s not that as a fat chick, I think that fat people are incompetent, but let’s face it, between the largess of his gut and my gut; how is he going to find an organ as long and as thick as two index fingers? Not to mention he has to lasso the bad boy and pull it out an opening no larger than my belly button! No, I needed a slender surgeon with 20-20 vision.

Well, the exam did not go well and I had my ammunition, after he pushed on my stomach he asked about a mole on my stomach. I told him "it’s a mole", and he said, "No!, it’s a nipple". A NIPPLE, is this guy a doctor or Pablo Picasso? "A nipple", I repeated," down there?" "you must be kidding" "It’s a nipple and I can remove it." "No thanks doc, that would take a long goodbye and I need this gall bladder out ASAP." "Okay", he replied, and he slapped my gut! The gut slap sealed the deal, and it was a stinger. I thought this guy is a jerk. How dare he slap me like a cow and tell me I have an extra nipple. I looked at his business card one more time, HMMMM, he is a Diplomate of Surgery. Must be a misprint. I jumped up, pulled my top down and said, "thanks, but no thanks", and keep in mind, “ if you slap a fat chick, you might get a slap back, next time!
Needlesstosay, the Diplomate of Surgery did not remove my gall bladder, another surgeon did, and he was perfect, tall and slender, no eyeglasses and he told me my mole was a mole.

On the day of surgery, my sister bought me a silk ensemble to wear to the yanking of my gall bladder, doctor tall and slender with no eyeglasses escorted me to the table. I whispered to him on the way that I would like to play a little joke on the nurses, and he said he would play along. When I got comfy on the table, I asked loud enough for everyone to hear, "will you be giving me breast implants immediately following the removal of my gall bladder?" I looked at my doctor and he nodded,YES. All the nurses could be heard sucking in a wind of disbelief and one blurted out,
“ Doctor, you can do that?” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, we had a good laugh. Now, that's what I call good customer service.


  1. So friggin funny!!! You should have sued the jerk for assault. Dawnxo

  2. Sounds like a blind date I had back in the 90s!