Yesterday, I stopped in a diner to have a sandwich for lunch. I sat at the counter because it was empty and I needed some peace and quiet. But the guy behind me in a booth, was talking so loud on his phone that, I felt like turning around and asking him, "hey mister, you have ringing in your ears or are you just rude?" Are we so insecure that we can't sit alone and eat a sandwich. Will the world think we are losers with no friends. Perhaps, but who cares, the world don't pay my bills!
I stopped in Lane Bryant to buy a bra and was greeted by a short Hispanic man. I said," I'm here to buy a bra, can I get measured?" It was at that moment that I saw the measuring tape around his neck! "Sure, I can measure you.", he replied with a thick accent. "Are they on sale?" I asked, "No, not today" "Oh, I said with relief, I'll come back on a sale." Thinking to myself, nice try fella. Guess he isn't working at Lane Bryant for the discount.
I always have dreams that my teeth are falling out and it is disturbing. I also have dreams that my house is floating away. Or that my dogs got out and they are running down a busy highway, with me running after them. The worst dream of all is that I am in college with 4 classes scheduled and I can't find my locker with my books. Sometimes I have dreams that take place in a house that I once lived in long ago. I often wonder why we dream of those things so trivial? I know that dreams have a deeper meaning and we could delve into the psych of our dreams as deep dark fears realized. But, let's face it, teeth falling out and misplaced text books is hardly something to worry about. I often wonder what the President dreams about? Do you think he wakes up in a cold sweat, dreaming that he is sleeping beside Sarah Pallin or Joan Rivers? Or that his Mother is really Carrot Top and he is a ventriloquist in a Vegas act? If one day, I were to meet President Obama, that is the first question I would ask. What is your worst nightmare? And does your health care bill have a good dental plan?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sunday, August 22, 2010
How My Education Made Me the Well Rounded Human Being I AM Today or Alternate Title: How I made the useless classes I had to take in College work for Me
Ancient Greek history: I remember this class taught by an ivy leaguer, Mr. Pommeles, he looked a lot like the actor David Spade, went to one of his workshops and he gave his dissertation while a hot, leggy blond sat on his lap. He saw my disgust and in the next class made me draw a map of the Ancient State of Athens. I drew the only State that I knew, New Jersey, shaped like a legionnaire. I failed the assignment. Passed his class with a C.
How I rationalized that class:
Linked the song of the Sirens in the Odyssey with the missteps of senior management for my Strategic Business class final project, teacher gave me an A-, should have gotten an A, but I left early one class for a wedding and I knew he held that against me. Either that or he overheard me say that his teeth are yellow, his skin a pasty white and his white shirts are grey.
Math- Used the relationship between heat and pressure, as in boiling water at a faster rate, by linking it to the proportional relationship between employee empowerment and good customer service for my Business of Organizations class. Teacher gave me a B. I must admit it was a stretch.
Art- Used the analogy of the Crayola Crayon colors for a specific generation (periwinkle blue, sunflower yellow, long retired) as a philosophical foundation for updating my skills (part of my biographical statement to get into graduate school) it worked, bad part got stuck with an advisor named Bill Clinton, called my job one day and said this is Bill Clinton, calling for Eileen, and he got hung up on. I can only guess that the operator votes Republican.
Physics/American History- I combined the passion for career development with the fear of science by linking Dr. Richard Feydyn’s 1959 speech at Cal Tech on Nanotechnology with a three step career development plan. What I am most proud of is that I used a pivotal letter written by Dr. Martin Luther King to explain the physics term of “stretch tension”! I gave myself a pat on the back for that one.
Which is why my education made me the well rounded human being that I am today. lol.
How I rationalized that class:
Linked the song of the Sirens in the Odyssey with the missteps of senior management for my Strategic Business class final project, teacher gave me an A-, should have gotten an A, but I left early one class for a wedding and I knew he held that against me. Either that or he overheard me say that his teeth are yellow, his skin a pasty white and his white shirts are grey.
Math- Used the relationship between heat and pressure, as in boiling water at a faster rate, by linking it to the proportional relationship between employee empowerment and good customer service for my Business of Organizations class. Teacher gave me a B. I must admit it was a stretch.
Art- Used the analogy of the Crayola Crayon colors for a specific generation (periwinkle blue, sunflower yellow, long retired) as a philosophical foundation for updating my skills (part of my biographical statement to get into graduate school) it worked, bad part got stuck with an advisor named Bill Clinton, called my job one day and said this is Bill Clinton, calling for Eileen, and he got hung up on. I can only guess that the operator votes Republican.
Physics/American History- I combined the passion for career development with the fear of science by linking Dr. Richard Feydyn’s 1959 speech at Cal Tech on Nanotechnology with a three step career development plan. What I am most proud of is that I used a pivotal letter written by Dr. Martin Luther King to explain the physics term of “stretch tension”! I gave myself a pat on the back for that one.
Which is why my education made me the well rounded human being that I am today. lol.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
My Workout Routine
Back in the 1970's, long before the workout guru's Jane Fonda and Richard Simmons, my sister and I moved to the groove of record spinners on Soul Train.
In those days,I was a sophmore in high school and my sister, unemployed, spent her life lying on the sofa smoking cigarettes and sipping from the bottle of vodka she had hidden behind the sofa, she even went so far as to attach a string to avoid moving the sofa to retrieve it. One day she had me called down to the principal's office to tell me to bring home a pack of Marlboro's and a six pack of Miller High Life. I was traumatized, I thought someone had died in the family.
On Saturday, we put on our workout clothes and danced to Soul Train with the ultra hip, sultry stylings of Don Cornelius. We did the bump, the hustle and some strange version of the funky chicken. We worked up a sweat, and celebrated with a high carb dinner of spaghetti spatini and garlic bread, it was a zero sum gain.
Now, all of America has Dancing with the Stars, and I must say Tom Bercheron can't hold a candle to DC. Don Cornelius had it all, style, sex appeal, the voice. Not to mention the best music and dancers on the west coast. No need for the superficial glitter, fake tans, exposed midrift or effeminate judges. We heard rumors that the Soul Train dancers were professionals, engenues trying to break into show business. Maybe so, but the show was damn good and after a little swig of vodka and a couple of cigarettes, my sister and I could busta move with the best.
Love, Peace and Soul
In those days,I was a sophmore in high school and my sister, unemployed, spent her life lying on the sofa smoking cigarettes and sipping from the bottle of vodka she had hidden behind the sofa, she even went so far as to attach a string to avoid moving the sofa to retrieve it. One day she had me called down to the principal's office to tell me to bring home a pack of Marlboro's and a six pack of Miller High Life. I was traumatized, I thought someone had died in the family.
On Saturday, we put on our workout clothes and danced to Soul Train with the ultra hip, sultry stylings of Don Cornelius. We did the bump, the hustle and some strange version of the funky chicken. We worked up a sweat, and celebrated with a high carb dinner of spaghetti spatini and garlic bread, it was a zero sum gain.
Now, all of America has Dancing with the Stars, and I must say Tom Bercheron can't hold a candle to DC. Don Cornelius had it all, style, sex appeal, the voice. Not to mention the best music and dancers on the west coast. No need for the superficial glitter, fake tans, exposed midrift or effeminate judges. We heard rumors that the Soul Train dancers were professionals, engenues trying to break into show business. Maybe so, but the show was damn good and after a little swig of vodka and a couple of cigarettes, my sister and I could busta move with the best.
Love, Peace and Soul
Sunday, June 20, 2010
More rolls than Amorosos
GET OFF THE TREADMILL
Everyone is jumping on the obesity wagon, like it's something new. Has anyone looked at a Botticelli or the round robins of the Victorian age. Those chicks are fat. Lena Bryant ( you know her as Lane Bryant) began her large size clothing business in the 1920's.( and yes Gwennie she is Lithiuanian) The more we diet the fatter we get, bottom line. So ladies you better start working on your personalities and this is the perfect place to start!
MY BFF
Recently, I was sad to hear that one of my favorite fatties, Dom Deluise died. I was moved to watch his hilarious 1980 film FATSO one Sunday afternoon. In this movie, Dom is conflicted. His love of food is killing his love life. And, he resorts to chaining the kitchen cabinets and the refridgerator to prevent his frequent binges. It seems girl weekend binges,were everynight for Dom and his BFF's ( BIG FAT FRIENDS) In the end love prevails with a thrift shop girl that finds his compassionate soul unaffected by his midrift flub.
A beautiful love story. I will miss you Dom, sorry your son the actor isn't fatter. You left a large waistline to fill.
Everyone is jumping on the obesity wagon, like it's something new. Has anyone looked at a Botticelli or the round robins of the Victorian age. Those chicks are fat. Lena Bryant ( you know her as Lane Bryant) began her large size clothing business in the 1920's.( and yes Gwennie she is Lithiuanian) The more we diet the fatter we get, bottom line. So ladies you better start working on your personalities and this is the perfect place to start!
MY BFF
Recently, I was sad to hear that one of my favorite fatties, Dom Deluise died. I was moved to watch his hilarious 1980 film FATSO one Sunday afternoon. In this movie, Dom is conflicted. His love of food is killing his love life. And, he resorts to chaining the kitchen cabinets and the refridgerator to prevent his frequent binges. It seems girl weekend binges,were everynight for Dom and his BFF's ( BIG FAT FRIENDS) In the end love prevails with a thrift shop girl that finds his compassionate soul unaffected by his midrift flub.
A beautiful love story. I will miss you Dom, sorry your son the actor isn't fatter. You left a large waistline to fill.
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